New Directions

When I wrote my first blog I said I would talk about my job at some time in the future, and I guess it is the future. I have been thinking a lot lately about events in our lives that lead us in new directions. I have a young friend who was prompted in a dream to look into adoption and is now in the process of making that dream come true. My daughter wanted to communicate with 2 deaf students at her middle school and checked out books on sign language, took classes and had many fulfilling, wonderful experiences because of her new skill. My new direction came in the form of a phone call. My children were all in school, I was enjoying being a PTA mom, making cupcakes, volunteering and working a three hour job at their school. I never applied for the job, but was asked if I would like it since I was there so much of the time. I enjoyed what I was doing and really liked all of the people I worked with. One day, I received a phone call asking if I would be interested in working in something called opportunity school, as an aide to help the teacher with children in Junior High with "problems". Little did I know my answer would start me on a 20 year journey that changed my life and broadened my world considerably.
I began to work in a classroom with about 10 children in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. Keep in mind that I was very low on the totem pole in the district so I later found that I was the last of several phone calls, everyone else said "No way!" In my ignorance I accepted and was thrust from my very sheltered existence into the world of children with probation officers, psychiatrists, psychologists, foster parents, and a myriad of sad problems. I will change the names of my students when I write about them.
One young man I will call Abe, was a large native american boy, (6ft 4 in.). He was in 8th grade, an alcoholic with a huge problem with truancy. He was trying to get a gang of other American Indian kids to help in his fight against the hispanic gangs in town. He became my protector and my advocate. He was large and scary looking, so when the other students, mostly boys would give me a hard time he would jump up and yell, "Leave her alone." I won his acceptance by something so simple as walking by his desk and patting his arm, thanking him for doing his assignment, and of course bringing cookies. He told me that one time he didn't go home for 5 days and no one even called to see if he had been in school. His pain was apparent to me. He was a talented artist and had a wonderful sense of humor. I wanted to help change his life, and spent much time in prayer and tears over him. One day it came to me, maybe the only thing you can do is make sure he knows you like him. That became my creed as I worked for nearly 20 years with youth who were not always easy to like. I would pray about each one, trying to see and recognize their best qualities and make them aware of them. After 20 years in a job with an average stay time of four years, I knew I could no longer get my heart broken, I retired. I still think of these students often. I didn't ever change their circumstances, but I know they knew that "Mrs. Cherpeski likes me."
I would have missed so much and grown so much less if not for that phone call.

Living in the moment

So often in my life I have found myself planning ahead, for a vacation, a seminary lesson, a work day, so many things. Planning ahead is good if you can keep from planning not only the basic event but planning on the outcome. I would envision perfect family vacations where everyone got along, the kids were happy, Vince would be happy and good natured and we would all smile and laugh all the way. The children would be so grateful that we took them on this wonderful trip they would thank us for showing them such a good time. Any woman reading this will probably laugh at me or shake her head and say "Fool." One of the good things about growing older is that we begin to see the value in living in the moment. The best laid plans will probably go awry. At Disneyland, when our children were supposed to be reveling in the joys of the "Magic Kingdom", one chose to lay on the ground and cry, "No more lines! Lets go back to the hotel and swim." I of course could not believe he would feel that way. My good husband knew me well enough to know how I felt and I am sure his brooding silence was sometimes irritation with fighting screaming kids in the back of the van, (no Movies in the old days) and sometimes with me because he knew how I wanted it to be and how it would really be.
Don't get me wrong. We have great kids and we had some wonderful times together, but some how it was never quite what I envisioned. As I grow older, I find it takes too much energy to figure out what could or might happen. I find myself enjoying the moment more.
Yesterday, I went to pick up three grandchildren and their friends to go the movie. The youngest was not going to go (think three year old in movie), but as the others got ready, Mason curled up leaning next to me with his cozy blanket and watched cartoons, laughing and grinning up to me saying, "that's funny huh grandma?" I thought, there couldn't be anything better than this could there grandma? Sitting in the movie, watching the others laugh, I thought it again.
Years ago, as all parents do, we spent a sleepless night with three children with stomach flu, brought home from school compliments of their older brother. I remember changing sheets, pajamas, running the washing machine, and cuddling sick babies. Finally, at about 4:00 AM we crawled exhausted into bed and Vince said, "Remember, if we are really good we can do this forever." (A mormon joke.) We laughed and dozed until the next call came.
The point is that humor, love, patience and sometimes only time passing will get us through to the other side of difficulties. Now when I think of that night, I remember my sweet children wanting to be held and loved, turning to us for help and my dear husband and I laying in bed laughing.
Things don't always turn out how we planned. Things are not always perfect, but looking back we remember the good things, of which there are many. Living in the moment means appreciating all of those small blessings we meet each day. The sunshine after many cloudy days, a phone call from a friend, good food, a warm bed, the smiles of our families, the touch of a loved one. Those small moments we sometimes miss because they aren't really in our plan.

My Quiet Man

When I was first married I was constantly amazed at what my husband could accomplish. He could fix an engine, upholster the car or a chair. Fix anything around the house and read at the speed of light. He graduated from college with a degree in computer science in the 5th year of our marriage and worked harder than anyone I knew. He built an addition on our house with the help of a few friends and of course our 4 small sons. He built, wired did everything, usually by reading a book about what he wanted to do. His knowledge of so many things was truly astounding. When the inspector did the final inspection he said ours was the most square addition he had ever seen.
As the years have passed and we have endured and celebrated many joys and sorrows I still am amazed by him. He is a man of few words and to be perfectly honest at times I have been frustrated by that part of his personality, but he is a good man. He doesn't always listen to what I say and I often have to speak to him two or three times before he responds to me, but he loves and respects me. He treats me kindly and is patient in the face of my sometimes hysteria about things. At family get togethers he sometimes sits quietly by and listens to all of the talk. But when our children have problems, need advice or a shoulder to cry on he is always there for them. He has held me together through trial more than once. As the years pass and we age, we have begun to talk more, enjoy our time together more and find joy in our children and grandchildren. We come from different backgrounds but have built a life together that I am so thankful for. To have a good marriage, love, four wonderful sons, two beautiful daughters, thirteen amazing grandchildren and my own quiet man is the best any woman can ask for. I have been truly blessed.

Born of Goodly Parents

I have had a special blessing all of my life because of the parents God sent me to. I have always known I was loved and forgiven for my shortcomings. My parents never doubted me and have always been there for me. As the years pass and we all age, I have found myself in a changing role. At times I find myself acting as a parent to my parents. They are both not in the best health and I have had the opportunity to spend time with them in my home caring for them. It is a blessing that I am so thankful for. There is no way I can ever thank my mom and dad for all the the care they took of me. The sleepless nights I am sure they had. All of the meals, (mom is a much better cook than I am), sitting by my bed when I was sick, playing with me, vacations, teaching,so many things they did for me (that all parents do) that I can never really pay them back for. They have been great grandparents and taught me much about how to be a grandparent, but I can never fully repay them for the role they have played in my life. However, I am grateful that I am able to help them in some small way as I care for them and spend time with them. I still learn from them and I think I am learning to appreciate them on a much deeper level than ever before. They are an example to me of love and service, strength and humor, faith and kindness. I love my parents and am so blessed to be their daughter. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Comfort Zones

My husband and I are anomalies in this day and age. We have lived in the same city for 37 years and we have lived in the same house for 35 years. We know few people that can say that. We have raised our children in this house and our grandchildren love to come here to play, or eat or whatever. What can I say? We are comfortable here. Of course we have added on and remodeled the kitchen, and bathrooms and I love to paint walls and decorate, so we have had a few changes over the years. Sometimes when all of the children, their spouses, and their children show up for a visit I curse the tiny kitchen but generally we like our home.
I have been thinking about our comort zones a lot lately because I am always a little resistant about stepping out of mine. I have a new church job and it definitely makes me uncomfortable. I am a den mother. I like kids and having raised four sons, I feel comfortable with the boys. However I hate being in a position where I don't really know what I am doing, and this is the case here. It has been at least 25 years since I had anything to do with scouting, and I wasn't very good at it then. Hopefully, this massive case of discomfort with the situation will resolve and I will learn to love the position. Right now I feel harried, inadequate and somewhat irritated at the necessity of learning so many new things. I guess you could say that I love my safe, comfortable life and am somewhat resistant to change. I hope this isn't an early symptom of getting old. And I guess I should be thankful for the blessing of having to get up out of my proverbial rocker and learn something new. After all shouldn't every grandmother know how to make a shoebox catapult for shooting marshmallows?

Going Home

I took advantage of a break in the weather to make the trip from Carson City to Ely last week. Driving 320 miles each way across the wide open spaces of Nevada gives one a lot of time for reflection. I was going to spend time with my parents who have lived in Ely forever or near to that. It is very strange going "home" now. I have not lived in Ely for over 40 years and short visits there always bring kind of a strange sadness. When I was growing up there were several grocery stores, shoes stores, clothing stores, two movie theatres, and several other small businesses lining main street. Now as I pull into town, the changes I see make me kind of sad. Don't get me wrong, people who live there still love the town, (even if many of them go to Elko or Vegas to shop at Walmart), but it has changed. The Steptoe Drug Store in downtown Ely will soon close it's doors and my children received the news with dismay. As a teenager, I often stopped there to enjoy a carmel, marshmallow sundae. I have over the years taken my kids there for a fountain treat. I have one daughter in law who had a goal to try every thing on the fountain menu.
The grandchildren thought it was a new kind of fast food place. But the places of my childhood continue to change. The high school is no longer on main street, the middle school took it over when the high school moved. I have so many memories of walking from the school to the Economy Drug to have the best tuna sandwich in the world, made by Mavis. We would wander main street, visiting with friends, store owners, Mary, who made the best doughnuts and french bread ever eaten on the planet. We could stop at the malt shop and just enjoy the feeling of a small, loving home town. I am sure that the young people that wander the streets there now have that same feeling, but at my age I don't like change and it doesn't feel like the same place to me. Many of my family members still live there and perhaps they don't notice the change as much, but my visits make me nostalgic. Everyone should have a place in their memory like Ely in the 50's and 60's. It was a perfect place to grow up and build memories.

Worrying...

I have a confession to make. I am a worrier. I don't know if it was born in me or if it was a learned behavior. I suspect it is a little of both. My children have often teased me (kindly) about my propensity for worry. Some of it I am sure I learned from my mother. When I was a child and mom would let me go to a matinee with some of the neighborhood children, she would give me money and say "But no popcorn!" I never was sure why, but I was not allowed to have popcorn. Finally, when I was 9 or 10 I asked her why. She told me that a little boy somewhere had choked to death in a movie on popcorn and she didn't want that to happen to me. Not long after, I bought popcorn at the movie, feeling very brave. I didn't choke to death and felt quite lucky.
I know worry is wasted energy, but being logical with myself doesn't take away my fear when a child is sick, or having a difficult period in his or her life. I worry that I won't do a good job with a church calling, I worry if my husband has indigestion, I worry about the state of the world in which my grandchildren are growing up. I worry about so many things that worry doesn't change. I have been trying hard to change this habit but it is not easy. My children have grown, and have brought in reinforcements in the form of daughters in law and a son in law. There are 12, nearly 13 grandchildren to worry about and the list goes on and on.
Last year one of my grandsons was having sinus surgery and when his mom called to tell me that everything went fine she also told me about a plaque on the wall at the hospital. It said "Worry doesn't change tomorrow, and it ruins today." I now have this posted in my kitchen, and refer to it quite often. Worry can cause sleepless nights, dark days and health problems. My main resolution for this year is to not worry so much about the things I cannot change. I think this is really a test of my faith. After all, aren't things in much more capable hands than mine? I believe I have found more peace as I have really made an effort to step back, and enjoy all of the positive aspects of my life. Life is too short to spend it worrying.

Birthdays, family etc...

My husband had a birthday on Friday, so on Sunday all of the local kids, spouses and grandkids came for dinner. It was noisy, chaotic and messy but such fun. Eight adults and five children can make a lot of noise and chaos, (especially when for some odd reason the men check on the football scores). Most days our house is quiet and neat and somewhat boring, but when the family shows up everything comes alive. The two three year old cousins come in and much like small dogs mark their territory and make declarations of MINE in loud voices. Eventually they settle down to mini tornado level and play and dismantle whatever strikes their fancy. They really love each other, and what one doesn't think of to do, the other one does. Someone plays Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer on the piano, even if it is January 24th. One organizes a game of hide and seek with the two little boys, and one curls up with a book in front of the fireplace. The adults gather around talking, laughing, sharing stories, talking politics, religion, children whatever comes up. My husband and I sometimes stay in the background and enjoy the tumult.
One of the greatest blessing a parent can have is children who enjoy each other. It should be noted that I do not distinguish between those of my children I gave birth to and those who married into the family. They are all my children and as such hold a specific, special place in my heart.
As the noise buzzes around us, as food is consumed, as talk ensues, (sometimes really loud talk, we are not a quiet family), I count my blessings. I wish all of the rest of my precious ones could be here too. But mostly I just feel happy. A lesson that real happiness comes from love and people and relationships that bless our lives.
As they prepare to go home, Vince and I watch as Mason, three, and certain he is unobserved, repeatedly sticks his fingers in the frosting around the edge of the left over birthday cake. We look at each other and smile. If he were one of our children we would have to make him stop. But because he is one of our grandchildren he knows he is safe when he sees us watching, and gives us a huge dimpled smile and says "YUMMY".
When they leave, we return to quiet. Grateful for the rest, but looking forward to the next time we will see them.

Thoughts on Time

Years ago during a particularly difficult work week , I remarked to an older friend, "This week is taking forever, I wish it was Friday afternoon!" She very calmly said, "You know you are wishing your life away." She went on to tell me how she used to always wish for Friday until her husband suddenly passed away. She then realized she would have given anything to have some of those long difficult weeks back so she could have really appreciated time.
I have thought about her and her remark many times in the intervening years. When my children were small I always wished that time would pass so I would no longer diapering and potty training. I would wish the next year would pass so that the car would be paid off and then I would have money. I wished that a pregnancy would hurry and pass so I would have the baby in my arms. I wished that two years would pass quickly so my missionaries would come home. So many wishes and now I wish I could have those years back so I could truly appreciate each moment of my life. Looking back I realize how quickly those years did pass.
Life is made up of a series of small, precious moments interrupted by day to day challenges. Sometimes we let the challenges overcome our ability to see the wonder of those small moments.
I am convince that the Lord lets us have grandchildren so we can recapture the magic of some of those things. I try really hard not to wish my life away, but sometimes I find myself in the middle of a snow storm wishing for spring. I guess it is part of the human condition.
I am trying now as I am a grandmother, a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a caregiver, to appreciate the wonder of experiencing the small moments that make our lives rich and worthwhile.

A Plethora of Riches

This morning the TV is on with stories of the horror and tragedy of the earthquake in Haiti. It makes me think of all of the blessings I enjoy each and every day that I never even consider as blessings. I talked on the phone yesterday with two of my sons, texted with one of my other sons and had a nice conversation with three of my daughters in law and texted and talked to my daughter and mother. Considering that in Haiti, many men and women are searching for any sign of their children, grandchildren, parents and other loved ones, I feel I should be more grateful and aware of the blessings I take for granted. I turn a tap and clean cold water rushes out. I turn a tap and hot water rushes into my shower. I toss clothes into a machine with a minimum of effort and soon have clean, dry clothes. ( I still have to put them away, but not everything is perfect.) I put a key in the ignition and can drive anywhere I want to pick up books at the library, (a wonderful blessing), chose from the enormous array of goods offered in any one of dozens of stores. Call a great doctor and make an appointment for a checkup, eat out at any of many restaurants, connect with old friends and new on the internet, wear my choice of clothes, shoes, coats. I can worship where and how I want, or not if I so chose, and I have the right to speak out my opinion about this and countless other subjects as I see fit. The list could go on and on and yet I find that I so often take these many blessings for granted.
When was the last time I prayed and did nothing but thank my Father in Heaven for all of these blessings? When was the last time I prayed and did not ask for any blessings for me and my loved ones? Maybe prayer should be a conversation with God, listing and thanking him for all of the countless tender mercies in my life. They are many, and unfortunately it is sad that a tragedy in another part of the world is what it takes to make me think about and acknowledge this.

Mother's Meanderings

I have been thinking of starting a blog for a long time, but it took a sweet daughter in law starting to blog that made me finally take the big step. I am not really sure what I want to share with anyone who might read this, but I think I will just meander through highs and lows of my life and see what happens.
I am a daughter, with both parents still living, although in poor health, a wife, with a wonderful husband, a mother, to five great adult children, a grandmother to nearly 13 ( number 13 coming in march) of the most beautiful grandchildren ever born, and a mother in law to 3 amazing daughters in law and 1 amazing son in law. I am also a child of God and I hope that helps me as I navigate through all of these relationships.
I retired almost 2 years ago with only a nebulous idea of what that meant. No more getting up early, early in the morning. I am still usually up before 6. No more buying work clothes. Jeans and tees usually work for me. No more getting my heart broken from hearing stories of abuse, sadness and disfunctional families. (More about the work I did later.) More time with grandchildren, time to really clean closets, organize pictures, volunteer, exercise, read, and let's be honest here, watch TV and roam around in the cyber world. I will touch on all of these things in the future and as my mind meanders around, maybe much more. For now, I will keep notes of random thoughts I might share and when it comes time to write, I hope I will be able to find them.