Going Home

I took advantage of a break in the weather to make the trip from Carson City to Ely last week. Driving 320 miles each way across the wide open spaces of Nevada gives one a lot of time for reflection. I was going to spend time with my parents who have lived in Ely forever or near to that. It is very strange going "home" now. I have not lived in Ely for over 40 years and short visits there always bring kind of a strange sadness. When I was growing up there were several grocery stores, shoes stores, clothing stores, two movie theatres, and several other small businesses lining main street. Now as I pull into town, the changes I see make me kind of sad. Don't get me wrong, people who live there still love the town, (even if many of them go to Elko or Vegas to shop at Walmart), but it has changed. The Steptoe Drug Store in downtown Ely will soon close it's doors and my children received the news with dismay. As a teenager, I often stopped there to enjoy a carmel, marshmallow sundae. I have over the years taken my kids there for a fountain treat. I have one daughter in law who had a goal to try every thing on the fountain menu.
The grandchildren thought it was a new kind of fast food place. But the places of my childhood continue to change. The high school is no longer on main street, the middle school took it over when the high school moved. I have so many memories of walking from the school to the Economy Drug to have the best tuna sandwich in the world, made by Mavis. We would wander main street, visiting with friends, store owners, Mary, who made the best doughnuts and french bread ever eaten on the planet. We could stop at the malt shop and just enjoy the feeling of a small, loving home town. I am sure that the young people that wander the streets there now have that same feeling, but at my age I don't like change and it doesn't feel like the same place to me. Many of my family members still live there and perhaps they don't notice the change as much, but my visits make me nostalgic. Everyone should have a place in their memory like Ely in the 50's and 60's. It was a perfect place to grow up and build memories.

Worrying...

I have a confession to make. I am a worrier. I don't know if it was born in me or if it was a learned behavior. I suspect it is a little of both. My children have often teased me (kindly) about my propensity for worry. Some of it I am sure I learned from my mother. When I was a child and mom would let me go to a matinee with some of the neighborhood children, she would give me money and say "But no popcorn!" I never was sure why, but I was not allowed to have popcorn. Finally, when I was 9 or 10 I asked her why. She told me that a little boy somewhere had choked to death in a movie on popcorn and she didn't want that to happen to me. Not long after, I bought popcorn at the movie, feeling very brave. I didn't choke to death and felt quite lucky.
I know worry is wasted energy, but being logical with myself doesn't take away my fear when a child is sick, or having a difficult period in his or her life. I worry that I won't do a good job with a church calling, I worry if my husband has indigestion, I worry about the state of the world in which my grandchildren are growing up. I worry about so many things that worry doesn't change. I have been trying hard to change this habit but it is not easy. My children have grown, and have brought in reinforcements in the form of daughters in law and a son in law. There are 12, nearly 13 grandchildren to worry about and the list goes on and on.
Last year one of my grandsons was having sinus surgery and when his mom called to tell me that everything went fine she also told me about a plaque on the wall at the hospital. It said "Worry doesn't change tomorrow, and it ruins today." I now have this posted in my kitchen, and refer to it quite often. Worry can cause sleepless nights, dark days and health problems. My main resolution for this year is to not worry so much about the things I cannot change. I think this is really a test of my faith. After all, aren't things in much more capable hands than mine? I believe I have found more peace as I have really made an effort to step back, and enjoy all of the positive aspects of my life. Life is too short to spend it worrying.

Birthdays, family etc...

My husband had a birthday on Friday, so on Sunday all of the local kids, spouses and grandkids came for dinner. It was noisy, chaotic and messy but such fun. Eight adults and five children can make a lot of noise and chaos, (especially when for some odd reason the men check on the football scores). Most days our house is quiet and neat and somewhat boring, but when the family shows up everything comes alive. The two three year old cousins come in and much like small dogs mark their territory and make declarations of MINE in loud voices. Eventually they settle down to mini tornado level and play and dismantle whatever strikes their fancy. They really love each other, and what one doesn't think of to do, the other one does. Someone plays Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer on the piano, even if it is January 24th. One organizes a game of hide and seek with the two little boys, and one curls up with a book in front of the fireplace. The adults gather around talking, laughing, sharing stories, talking politics, religion, children whatever comes up. My husband and I sometimes stay in the background and enjoy the tumult.
One of the greatest blessing a parent can have is children who enjoy each other. It should be noted that I do not distinguish between those of my children I gave birth to and those who married into the family. They are all my children and as such hold a specific, special place in my heart.
As the noise buzzes around us, as food is consumed, as talk ensues, (sometimes really loud talk, we are not a quiet family), I count my blessings. I wish all of the rest of my precious ones could be here too. But mostly I just feel happy. A lesson that real happiness comes from love and people and relationships that bless our lives.
As they prepare to go home, Vince and I watch as Mason, three, and certain he is unobserved, repeatedly sticks his fingers in the frosting around the edge of the left over birthday cake. We look at each other and smile. If he were one of our children we would have to make him stop. But because he is one of our grandchildren he knows he is safe when he sees us watching, and gives us a huge dimpled smile and says "YUMMY".
When they leave, we return to quiet. Grateful for the rest, but looking forward to the next time we will see them.

Thoughts on Time

Years ago during a particularly difficult work week , I remarked to an older friend, "This week is taking forever, I wish it was Friday afternoon!" She very calmly said, "You know you are wishing your life away." She went on to tell me how she used to always wish for Friday until her husband suddenly passed away. She then realized she would have given anything to have some of those long difficult weeks back so she could have really appreciated time.
I have thought about her and her remark many times in the intervening years. When my children were small I always wished that time would pass so I would no longer diapering and potty training. I would wish the next year would pass so that the car would be paid off and then I would have money. I wished that a pregnancy would hurry and pass so I would have the baby in my arms. I wished that two years would pass quickly so my missionaries would come home. So many wishes and now I wish I could have those years back so I could truly appreciate each moment of my life. Looking back I realize how quickly those years did pass.
Life is made up of a series of small, precious moments interrupted by day to day challenges. Sometimes we let the challenges overcome our ability to see the wonder of those small moments.
I am convince that the Lord lets us have grandchildren so we can recapture the magic of some of those things. I try really hard not to wish my life away, but sometimes I find myself in the middle of a snow storm wishing for spring. I guess it is part of the human condition.
I am trying now as I am a grandmother, a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a caregiver, to appreciate the wonder of experiencing the small moments that make our lives rich and worthwhile.

A Plethora of Riches

This morning the TV is on with stories of the horror and tragedy of the earthquake in Haiti. It makes me think of all of the blessings I enjoy each and every day that I never even consider as blessings. I talked on the phone yesterday with two of my sons, texted with one of my other sons and had a nice conversation with three of my daughters in law and texted and talked to my daughter and mother. Considering that in Haiti, many men and women are searching for any sign of their children, grandchildren, parents and other loved ones, I feel I should be more grateful and aware of the blessings I take for granted. I turn a tap and clean cold water rushes out. I turn a tap and hot water rushes into my shower. I toss clothes into a machine with a minimum of effort and soon have clean, dry clothes. ( I still have to put them away, but not everything is perfect.) I put a key in the ignition and can drive anywhere I want to pick up books at the library, (a wonderful blessing), chose from the enormous array of goods offered in any one of dozens of stores. Call a great doctor and make an appointment for a checkup, eat out at any of many restaurants, connect with old friends and new on the internet, wear my choice of clothes, shoes, coats. I can worship where and how I want, or not if I so chose, and I have the right to speak out my opinion about this and countless other subjects as I see fit. The list could go on and on and yet I find that I so often take these many blessings for granted.
When was the last time I prayed and did nothing but thank my Father in Heaven for all of these blessings? When was the last time I prayed and did not ask for any blessings for me and my loved ones? Maybe prayer should be a conversation with God, listing and thanking him for all of the countless tender mercies in my life. They are many, and unfortunately it is sad that a tragedy in another part of the world is what it takes to make me think about and acknowledge this.

Mother's Meanderings

I have been thinking of starting a blog for a long time, but it took a sweet daughter in law starting to blog that made me finally take the big step. I am not really sure what I want to share with anyone who might read this, but I think I will just meander through highs and lows of my life and see what happens.
I am a daughter, with both parents still living, although in poor health, a wife, with a wonderful husband, a mother, to five great adult children, a grandmother to nearly 13 ( number 13 coming in march) of the most beautiful grandchildren ever born, and a mother in law to 3 amazing daughters in law and 1 amazing son in law. I am also a child of God and I hope that helps me as I navigate through all of these relationships.
I retired almost 2 years ago with only a nebulous idea of what that meant. No more getting up early, early in the morning. I am still usually up before 6. No more buying work clothes. Jeans and tees usually work for me. No more getting my heart broken from hearing stories of abuse, sadness and disfunctional families. (More about the work I did later.) More time with grandchildren, time to really clean closets, organize pictures, volunteer, exercise, read, and let's be honest here, watch TV and roam around in the cyber world. I will touch on all of these things in the future and as my mind meanders around, maybe much more. For now, I will keep notes of random thoughts I might share and when it comes time to write, I hope I will be able to find them.